Revised Conclusion

In this post I will rewrite the conclusion of my Project 2 draft.

Mrs Rockefeller. "Conclusion Page" Mar 12 2008. Public Domain.

I feel as though my new conclusion is much stronger than before mostly because I never fully completed my conclusion in my draft. In my new conclusion, I chose to circle back and go over the content of my essay again. I think this was effective because it reiterates what was said and closes up my essay nicely.

Old Conclusion

Treatments in physical therapy are evolving at a fast pace. (I never fully finished it)

New Conclusion

Overall, the rhetorical strategies Alon uses in his argument create a strong argument for why electrical stimulation should be used in physical therapy. He strategically places them throughout his text in order to produce the most effective argument. The use of legitimate studies, personal experience, and his expertise as rhetorical strategies makes a persuasive argument defending electrotherapy. Thanks to these rhetorical strategies Gad Alon was able to successfully convince his readers that electrotherapy is a powerful tool in physical therapy.

Revised Introduction

In this post I will completely rewrite my introduction from my Project 2 draft.

Antonio Litterio. "Power of Words" May 26 2011. CC. 

Old Intro

When thinking of physical therapy treatments, the first thing that comes to mind is repeated, guided exercises and most likely some individual tasks as well. One treatment that’s a bit less common is called electrical stimulation. This treatment uses electric impulses to elicit muscle contraction to reduce pain, swelling, and increase range of motion in patients. Due to his expertise in the field, Gad Alon uses a number of rhetorical strategies to discuss the sucessful use of electrical stimulation in his article, Stimulating Controversy. Gad Alon has a PhD and is a certified physical therapist himself; he and is also is currently employed at the University of Maryland School of Medicine. He claims that electrical stimulation is an effective treatment in physical therapy when used properly and in the right context.

New Intro

Rhetorical strategies are a very crucial factor in the effectiveness of an argument. Without them it's almost certain that a text will have no persuasive effect on it's readers. Articles such as Stimulating Controversy by physical therapist and PhD Gad Alon make use of multiple rhetorical strategies in order to create an effective argument regarding electrical stimulation in physical therapy. Electrical stimulation uses electric impulses to elicit muscle contraction to reduce pain, swelling, and increase range of motion in patients. Making use of his expertise in the field, providing scenarios, and displaying studys on the treatment Alon creates a strong argument on why electrotherapy is successful.

I think the new version of this introduction is more effective because it's much more focused on the actual topic. Before, I discussed electrical therapy too much and neglected the topic of the actual use of rhetorical strategies. In the new intro, I made it very clear that the topic of my essay was to discuss how rhetorical strategies create an effective argument instead of the successful use of electrical therapy.

Reflection on Project 2 Draft

In this post I will reflect on Savannah's and Kyle's draft for Project 2.

ASIF_JALAL_RIZVI. "Autumn" Dec 23 2007. Free Documentation License.

Do you have an identifiable thesis? Does it point to the specific rhetorical strategies?

I do have an identifiable thesis that states that how the author uses rhetorical strategies in his text makes his argument effective but I realized don't mention the specific strategies. I plan on doing so in my revised intro.

How have you decided to organize your essay? Does each paragraph have a central point?

I've decided to organize my essay by focusing on one rhetorical strategy per body paragraph. Each paragraph does have a central point that's supported with evidence and analysis.

Did you identify and analyze the five elements of the rhetorical situation?

I identified the text, audience, and author. I realize I should make them more identifiable and also talk about the constraints and reasoning the text was made.

Did you explain how and why certain rhetorical strategies were employed? 

Yes, I did. For each rhetorical strategy I showed how it affected the audience. I might want to go back and include why the author did so more. I made sure to show how the strategy that was used was effective in the text.

Are you thoughtfully using evidence in each paragraph?

Yes, I made sure to use specific examples in each paragraph. I made sure to try and use multiple examples where applicable and show analysis for each.

Do you leave your reader wanting more?

Honestly, probably not. I always have a hard time with attention grabbers and using interesting phrases. I think my opinion might have something to do with the topic itself as well. I think I do answer the "so what" question though.

Punctuation, Part 1

Below I will discuss what I learned about punctuation from Rules for Writers.

Hermes from mars. "Français" Dec 16 2012.

Unnecessary Commas

The most useful advice I got from this section was to not use a comma between compound elements that aren't independent clauses. I've always struggled with deciding where a pause was needed and more often than not I place a comma in an incorrect place. This section helped me realize that these added commas can cause confusion. I learned that using a conjunction such as "but" or "and" is plenty and doesn't require a comma at all.

The Semicolon

I had a general understanding of how to use a semicolon but this lesson showed me new uses. I was already aware of how to use it between two independent clauses. One lesson that was more beneficial to me was to use a semicolon between items in a series containing internal punctuation. This is a really helpful tool to avoid overuse of commas and clearly separate different ideas.

The Apostrophe

The rule I was most unaware of in this section was to not use apostrophes to form the plural of numbers and letters. This makes sense after reading the rules about it but isn't as obvious when trying to formulate sentences that include them. The book also mentioned an exception when using lowercase letters and the capital letters A and I.

Reflection

While peer reviewing, I found that the sections about semicolons and unnecessary commas were the most common to fix.

I peer reviewed Savannah's draft. I was able to discuss semicolons and unnecessary commas here.
One of her sentences was, "She explains Winston’s view that there is not enough evidence, yet, to understand the consequences involved with the alteration of genes." I explained that the commas between "yet" were unnecessary and could create confusion in the readers.

I discussed semicolons in this sentence: "By including outside information about the genomic sequences, Parry is able to effectively exploit the dangers involved in genetic engineering due to the high probability of failure; genetic engineering may not account for every single genomic sequence, which could potentially cause more problems. Parry then compares an embryo to other types of genetic engineering, like the modification of seeds." I commented that the semicolon could be replaced with a period in this case because there is too much internal punctuation and the clauses involved are too lengthy.

I also peer reviewed Kyle's draft. I found parts of his draft to talk about apostrophes and unnecessary commas. The sentence where I talked about apostrophes was "His examples are,  "In 2003, for example, Elan Pharmaceuticals had to stop trials of an Alzheimer's vaccine that had cured the disease in ‘Alzheimer's mice,’ after the substance caused brain inflammation in human test subjects." I mentioned how changing the quotations to apostrophes around "Alzheimer's mice" was a wise choice in taking away confusion within the quote and avoiding too many quotation marks. 

In another sentence of his, he says, "The use of recent examples add to the credibility of his argument, whereas he uses examples of the counterargument that are more than half a century old." I commented on how the comma before "whereas" is unnecessary because a pause isn't needed there and the sentence flows well without it.

Draft of Rhetorical Analysis

In this post I will discuss my current draft for Project 2.

Camdiluv. "Colours of Happiness" Jan 1 2007. Creative Commons Attribution. 

I found that this draft was pretty painless to create with my outline. As i expected, my draft came out a little different than my outline. I've always had trouble with the conclusion of my papers which is why mine's not totally completed yet, I do plan on following the content from my outline though. When reviewing my draft, keep an eye out for repeated words and maybe try to suggest others I could  replace them with. I felt as though I was repeating myself a bit. 

Enjoy my draft HERE

Practicing Summary and Paraphrase

In this post I will paraphrase a quote from my text for Project 2.

Hasanber. "Llupa" May 27 2015. Creative Commons Attribution.

Original Source (Found here)

In fact, electrical stimulation can help patients improve their function. At the University of Maryland School of Medicine, Baltimore, for example, we strive to improve patients' current capabilities by using "forced interventions," such as electrical stimulation. By using this modality, patients can perform movements and specific tasks they otherwise wouldn't be able to do. This treatment approach is called the forced intervention paradigm.

My Paraphrase

Gad Alon discusses his personal experience with successful use of electrical stimulation in physical therapy by explaining it's use at the School of Medicine at the University of Maryland. With this technique (called intervention paradigm), patients engage in e-stim and as a result regain movements they had lost or could not perform before they started the treatment. 

Summary

The author, Gad Alon, discusses how the use of electrical stimulation in physical therapy is a successful treatment when used in the right circumstances.

Project 2 Outline

In this post I will construct an outline for Project 2.

BaroBert. "Beach at Peaceful Bay" Mar 9 2004. GNU Free Documentation License.

Influences from Writing Public Lives
The ideas from this text made the assignment much more clear and structured to me. I really benefited from the idea found in the introduction that said the goals of rhetorical analysis are to analyze the persuasive strategies of the text itself rather than the ideas the text discusses. I also liked the description of the body paragraphs. At first I was a bit unsure on how to structure them because I'm analyzing the text itself more than the argument but when it said that I analyze a certain piece of the text rather than the argument within it was very helpful.

Introduction

• Background information
• Background on the author
• Short description of electrical stimulation
• Thesis statement
• Analytical claim with support

Body (Uses expertise on other subjects to describe argument)

• Focus
• Gad Alon uses his current knowledge on physical therapy to describe the successful uses of electrical stimulation.
• Textual Support
• "But to separate the fact from the fiction in the electro-geriatric debate, we must first examine the nature of the aging population."
• Explain how his prior knowledge supports argument
• "The best intervention to slow down and even reverse this decline is physical activity and routine exercise. Unfortunately, most people, especially those who are older, are unwilling and frequently unable to exercise effectively on their own."
• Explain how his knowledge of other treatments would be effective but outside factors lead to e-stim
• Conclusion
• The author's expertise makes his argument that e-stim is effective valid
• Shows knowledge on other subjects that makes e-stim a practical treatment

Body (Personal experience with e-stim)

• Focus
• Gad's personal experience with electrical stimulation is evidence of it's effectiveness
• Textual Support
• "At the University of Maryland School of Medicine, Baltimore, for example, we strive to improve patients' current capabilities by using "forced interventions," such as electrical stimulation. By using this modality, patients can perform movements and specific tasks they otherwise wouldn't be able to do. This treatment approach is called the forced intervention paradigm."
• Describe how his personal experience using the treatment proves it's effective
• "A requirement of this paradigm is that patients repeat the forced performance many times each day so that they can favorably modify performance. Electrical stimulation, if used properly, can be an effective intervention in meeting these footholds to function."
• Connect this to first quote
• Conclusion
• Author showing personal experience with electrical stimulation supports idea that it works
•  Gives reader hard evidence
• Also gives author credibility

Body (Evidence)

• Focus
• Gad provides evidence about electrical stimulation that supports the use of it.
• Textual Support
• "In addition, evidence is mounting that electrical stimulation can augment metabolic processes and vascular responses in stimulated tissues. Likewise, the literature repeatedly demonstrates that electrically induced muscle contraction effectively strengthens skeletal muscles of the torso and limbs, helps improve joint motion and reduces limb edema."
• Uses evidence from a study to show specific way it is beneficial
•  "In addition, recent and growing bodies of clinical evidence show that electrical stimulation can minimize various impairments and even promote selected functional improvement in stroke survivors."
• Same as above
• Conclusion
• Providing evidence from a study gives readers outside sources that confirm his argument other than his own experiences/expertise

Body (Counterarguments)

• Focus
• Gad provides the current setbacks and misconceptions of electrical stimulation.
• Textual Support
• "The issue of insurance coverage is complex and beyond the scope of this writing. However, the recent ruling of the Health Care Financing Administration favors reimbursement for treating slow-to-heal wounds and incontinence."
• He provides the issue and contradicts it
• "Lack of confidence in electrotherapy among clinicians is another deterrent. Most therapists are unaware of the beneficial effects or the rationale of using electrical stimulation with patients who have impairments with joint mobility. Yet, available data, as limited as they are, clearly indicate the benefits and further imply that early intervention is likely to yield considerably better outcomes than delayed intervention."
• Again, describes problem and provides a solution and the fact that the only thing holding them back is their ignorance.
• Conculsion
• Providing multiple counterarguments and contradicting them makes the authors argument much stronger and more effective
• By providing solutions it gives the readers no choice but to agree with him because he provides solutions. 

Conclusion

• Restate his strategies in different wording
• Brief explanation on how they were effective after being combined in complete text. 
• Describe why  they are effective

Reflection

Morgan's outline, similar to mine, was created loosely and allows for room for development throughout constructing her argument by leaving unanswered questions and key ideas to draw on more as she goes. Savannah's outline was well put together and had a little more structure to it than mine and Morgan's. Through reading my peer's outlines, I realized that I my outline will be effective in creating some structure for my draft but I can tell that my draft will vary a bit from my original plans.